I broke up with my girlfriend , And I really want to keep this relationship back . It's no use knowing that , But I hope she is happy every day , So I send her a text joke every day ! I hope you can give me some advice ! Because it's a text message , So hope is short and hilarious . I hope you will support me , I'll never run .
Here's me 30 Tianfa's joke .
1. hospital , An electrician enters the operating room , To a dying patient in an oxygen mask :" Listen to me , Take a deep breath , I need a five minute blackout !"
2. Son did something wrong , I cried for a long time after my father scolded me . Dad didn't talk to him . When he doesn't cry , Dad asked him :" You don't cry ?" The son replied :" no , I would like to have a rest !"
3. The same table has a cold and a runny nose , But he forgot his handkerchief , Just keep sucking the snot into your nose . The Chinese teacher who writes on the blackboard suddenly turns around and shouts :" Enough ! Stop it for me ! It's too noisy !" The whole class is quiet . And then, to be honest, go on :" Who is it that steals noodles in class ?"
4. I met a Cowman on the subway in the morning . On the subway , A buddy's ringtone masterpiece , All passengers :" grandpa , That grandson called you again ...... grandpa , That grandson called you again ...... grandpa , That grandson called you again ......" I saw that guy slowly take out his cell phone and answer it , say :" feed ! dad , What's up? ......"
5. The doctor asked the patient how it broke , The patient said :" What do I think is in the shoes , Just hold the pole and shake your shoes , Who knows TMD A bastard passed by , Thought I was electrocuted , Then he picked up the stick and gave me two rolls ."
6. The elephant accidentally stepped on the ant colony , Ants pouring out , Climbing on elephants . Elephant body , The ants all fell down . And then there's an ant around the elephant's neck , Cried the fallen ant :" Strangle him ... Strangle him ..."
7. The blind man stuttered on his bike , Stuttering in front of me to see the way . Suddenly I saw a deep ditch in front of me , Stammer and scream :" Sulcus and sulcus !" When the blind man heard it, he sang back :" Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh !" So they fell into a deep ditch .
8. Tortoise and hare race , The rabbit soon ran ahead , Tortoise crawling behind . See a snail crawling very slowly , Just to the snail :" You come up , Let me carry you ." And then the snail climbed up . After a while , Tortoise sees another ant , Tell him :" Come on, too !" And ants climb ; Come on up . After ants go up , See the snail on it , He said something to the snail " Hello ". Do you know what the snail said ? He said :" Hold on , This turtle is so fast ."
9. Drinking with friends the other day , I went to the dining room and bathroom to pee . See a sentence written on the wall , Just close up and take a look , It says " Don't look , Concentrate on urinating ". After I read this sentence , I found out I peed my own shoes .
10. A farmer drove a carriage to the market , Meet a rascal at the market . Rogue theory :" How do you do !" Farmers return to the road :" Hello !" The scoundrel went on :" I told your horse ." And then he laughed . Suddenly the farmer turned around and slapped the horse in the palm of the bus , say :" bastard , When do you have relatives in the city !"
11. Tortoise and snail live together , Once the tortoise was hurt , Ask snail to buy medicine for him . It's over 2 hour , Snail hasn't come back . The tortoise shouted in a hurry :"TMD, I will die before I come back !" Then there was the sound of a snail outside the door :" you TM Besides, I'm not going !"( ha-ha ... This snail is too slow .)
12. husband :" Telephone bill this month , Why all of a sudden ?" wife :" Mrs. Wang next door once borrowed a phone call ." husband :" Even once , No more !" wife :" She has a stutter ."
13. A group of students are training under the tree , Instructor said :" Number reported in the first row ." No response . The drillmaster shouted again :" Number reported in the first row !" Only one in the first row , Reluctantly, he turned around and walked to the bottom of the tree and hugged it .
14. The teacher told a parent :" Your son plagiarized his neighbor in the exam , The reason is that they are all wrong ." Parents' dissatisfied answer :" Maybe the neighbor peeked at him ." teacher :" no . I asked ' When did Napoleon die ' The neighbor replied ' I don't know ', And your son wrote ' I don't know either '."( Is this guy stupid , I don't even know how to copy .)
15. A lunatic singing in bed , Singing, singing, turning over , Lie on the pillow and sing . Asked the attending physician :" Just sing , What else are you doing ?" Neurology :" fool ,A After singing, of course, we need to change B Face ."
16. A college student was caught by the enemy , The enemy tied him to a telegraph pole , Then ask him :" say , where are you from ? If you don't say it, you will be electrocuted !" The college student replied to the enemy , It turned out to be electrocuted . He said :" I'm from TVU ."
17. The nurse saw the patient drinking in the ward , Just walk over and tell me :" look out liver !" The patient smiled :" baby !"
18. A sister-in-law saw a man about to get off the bus drop a pack of cigarettes on the pedal , So I told the man :" comrade , You lost your cigarette !" Man's rage :" You castrated it !"
19. In an English exam ,A You are at a loss , see suddenly B You've filled it up , Throw paper to ask for help . Not for a moment ,B You throw a paper ball .A Great joy , Busy opening . There is only a rubber inside the paper , The rubber is painted on all sides A,B,C,D Four letter , There are still a few small words on the paper :" Throw by yourself !"
20. Once upon a time, a man named ashun died , On the day of the funeral , His family cried out his name ：" Cool ... Cool ... Cool ..."
At this time , Passing by a passer-by , See this scene , Casual questions :" What do you like ?"
Shuang's family burst into tears :" amazing !"
21. In high school , One class , Students are rushing out to buy a box of rice . A girl wants to arrive before others , Take a short cut , As a result, the front manhole cover is not well covered , Falling down ! Later she climbed up the edge of the well , It's a mess , A group of junior high school children passed by in horror , She was quick to learn , Climbing and talking ： hey ! It's hard to fix ……
22. Camping in the wild , In the middle of the night ：“ We can see all the stars when we open our eyes , What does it say ?” Answer B ：“ That means it's a fine day tomorrow ! What's up? ?” nail ：“ fool , Our tent has been stolen !”
23. Three people go shopping . The first one said to the boss ：“ I want a bag of peanuts .” The boss brought the ladder to the second floor and brought a bag of peanuts , Then move the ladder away . The second person said to the boss ：“ I want a bag of peanuts, too .” The boss said ：“ I X, Not early .” Then he asked the third person ：“ Would you like a packet of peanuts, too ?”“ I don't want it .” The third person said .
The boss brought the ladder to the second floor and a bag of peanuts , Then move the ladder away . Ask the third person ：“ What do you want? ?”“ I want two bags of peanuts !” The third person said . Boss fainted !
24. Someone went fishing by the river . Put on a leaf first , I haven't caught a fish for half a day . He changed another loaf of bread , I haven't caught a fish for half a day . There's no way. He has to change earthworms , I haven't caught a fish for half a day . He pulled it out in anger 100 Fall into the water and scold ： damn it , Buy what you want !
25. A child is always crying after a pregnant woman , Pregnant women are finally impatient , Turn around and ask ： children , what's the matter with you? ?“ Aunt , ” The child sobbed ： I lost my balloon . Did you hide it in your stomach ?
26. Go to the bus in the morning alone ! But the car just left !
So he went after him !
Chase and shout ：“ Master, wait for me ! Master, wait for me ! master worker ＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊”
A good thing passengers put their heads out of the window !
Cried out ： Wukong, stop chasing !
27. There is a child sitting at a door playing
A middle-aged man asked him ： Is your father at home ?
Children answer ： At home?
The middle-aged man will ring the doorbell , Press for a long time , No one opens the door
So the man asked angrily ： Why don't you open the door ?
The child chewed and said ： I don't know , This is not my home !
28. A university strictly forbids students to fall in love , One night , The director of education made an inspection tour of the playground , Find a student lover kissing , The director of teaching gave them a big drink ： watch your mouth !
29. Take a taxi with a friend to meet a netizen ,
When it's almost there ,
A friend pointed to a girl not far away and said to the driver ：
“ Do you see that girl ?”
“ I saw it , Stop there ?” Driver's return .
Friend Bang ： “ No , Kill her !!!”
30. Once the girl got sick , The boy accompanied her to the hospital room for an intravenous drip , ten minutes , Twenty minutes passed , There was no movement . The boy seeks to break the silence , Just ask :" Is it cold ?"" cold !" The girl replied ." Cold I'll cover you ?" The girl blushed , Whisper :" good !" Then the boy got up , Covering the bottle with your hand .